Toxic.

This is awkward because I haven’t written a blog post in over a month now. I wish I had some big, bold excuse as to why I haven’t posted but the truth; I’m pretty rubbish.

No apologies, I’m just exhausted.

But I’m back and I want to talk about a topic that I’ve wanted to cover for a while but didn’t really know how to go about talking about it. But here goes.

Toxic Relationships.

Unless you’re really lucky, we’ve all had one. Whether it is a friendship, relationship with a partner, family relationship, whatever. We’ve all had someone that really knows how to get under our skin in some way. I want to discuss a few, if that’s okay with you guys?

I’m going to talk about them anyway so just stop reading if the answer to the previous question is no! 

So number 1:

There was this girl. Lets call her Jasmine. I was friends with Jasmine for around 10 years and she wasn’t a nice person. She made me feel like I couldn’t have any other friends and manipulated me in many different ways. Still, at the time she was my bestfriend. My parents AND other friends hated her; I guess that should have been the first warning sign. But I stayed friends with this bully because she didn’t really have many other people and I was the sort of person who would look out for people no matter what.

Jasmine was a manipulative bully throughout the 10+ years that I knew her. From when we were 5 years old to around 16 years old. I used to stop hanging out with the people she didn’t like, I used to have to plan my lunchtimes around her so she would have someone. She called me names and made me do things that I wasn’t proud of. (Slapping her ex boyfriend, one of my bestfriend’s now, around the face.) She was horrible.

When we were 15, we were planning her 16th birthday party and she wasn’t being too great about it. She kept shutting me down and I don’t know what it was that day, but something clicked. I sent her a long message through Whatsapp, it was basically an essay, saying that she was a bully. Telling her that she had ruined my high school life because I wasn’t allowed any other friends apart from her. I told her she made my life hell.

 

To this day, I still get worried in case I see her in the street but what’s she going to do? At the end of the day, I stuck up for myself against the girl who had bullied me into being her friend for 10 years. The girl who made me panic about going into school so much that in year 7, my attendance was way below 60%. I won the war though, Jasmine. I stuck up for myself and it felt pretty good.

Number 2) My ex girlfriend.

Lol, this is a fun topic. Lets call her Satan. I’m joking, lets call her Allie.

I’m going to make this a short one (like our relationship lmao) but it was fine at first. It was my first actual relationship in two years and I was happy. But it was just stuff. It was material things, buying each other gifts, going on dates, all of that stuff. And that was nice, but I get attached to people that I care about and I wasn’t feeling that.

I tried to break up with her but she continuously called me and texted me so I gave her another chance. I didn’t want too but as long as she was happy, my happiness didn’t matter so much. I thought I could cope and pretend to be happy but that only lasted another 2 weeks until I ended that for good.

She then proceeded to call me and text me again. One night, she sent me pictures of her FRESH self harm with the caption “This was your fault” and it broke me. I hate her. I was talking to my bestfriend the other night about the place I was in during that relationship. The fact I used to sit on her bathroom floor, crying my eyes out because I felt stuck. I was unhappy. It wasn’t safe.

So, although it was probably a d*ckhead move, I cut her out of my life. I blocked all contact for good and it made me happier. I started dating my current girlfriend of 8 months and I’m in a much better place.

Because of these two relationships, I became the person I am now. I am less trustworthy of people but I do let people past the walls that I have built up.

I guess the point of this blog post is that it is okay to get out of a toxic relationship or friendship. It’s okay to be a bit selfish for the sake of your own mental health and it’s okay to cut people out of your life who aren’t good for you. At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life and you need to remember that.

Stay strong and speak soon my lovelies,

Chloe

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5 Replies to “Toxic.”

  1. I was in a relationship with a guy who was toxic. I didn’t see it at the time but everyone else around me did. A guy friend finally stepped up and said look at it from the outside in – I did. I was able to walk away & I’m much happier now.

    Liked by 1 person

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