Hey you guys,
So its been a while and I thought you needed some sort of explanation as to why I haven’t been blogging as much as before.
First off, Happy New Year! I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas and that this year is amazing for you all.
Secondly, I withdrew/deferred from my university course. Now before you all go and jump down my throat, I have given this a lot of thought and I can assure you it wasn’t a choice I had come to easily. Lets take it back a couple months shall we?
So I started my placement in October 2017 at a hospital in my university town. It was fine at first, I enjoyed it and the people were friendly and I cannot fault that side of things. However, as the weeks went by it was becoming difficult to keep up with everything and balancing my university life and my placement life and my own personal life. I began to have panic attacks frequently, I started to get funny with food, and my mood would be extremely low for no apparent reason. I started missing lectures because I “felt sick” but most of this was self inflicted and I would simply be too on edge and too anxious to turn up to university.
I wasn’t happy.. I wasn’t enjoying my course or my placement as much as I should have been, I was telling everyone that I was doing okay when in fact I was really struggling and I was overthinking everything that happened. – Quick side note, the people on my course and my colleagues at placement, I cannot fault any of them, they were always so supportive.
Having suffered from anxiety since my teenage years, I had slowly developed coping mechanisms that I could put in place when I felt anxious or felt as if I was due a panic attack. I would push myself to do the things that scared me and attempt to challenge myself whenever I could but recently, even that hasn’t been possible.
So, after several long meetings and distressed phone calls to my girlfriend, my friends and my family, I came to this decision. It wasn’t easy and the anxiety did not stop there. Having left university, I needed a plan. Recently, I’ve been looking for jobs and trying to look after myself for a bit before I rush into a new path..
I think the point of this blog post is that sometimes things don’t go the way that we initially planned them to go. Sometimes the whole “School, University, Marriage, Kids” route that society expects you to take doesn’t work out as expected and that’s okay. Its okay to make your own path and get to where you want to be in a different way.
If you are struggling, what is the point in doing the same thing over and over again? It obviously didn’t work before, so why not try doing it a different way? You can get to where you want to be, a bump in the road does not mean that you should just give up.
And I am not giving up.
I am simply taking a different route.
Whatever you need to do for the sake of your own mental health, do it. Find healthy coping mechanisms, accept help whether it is from professionals or loved ones, and look after yourself. You are so important and you do not need to do whatever society tells you just because you think it is “the done thing.”
I’m not where I want to be right now but after making this decision I feel closer to the happiness that I have realized I deserve.
I love you all,