I have no clue what I’m doing.

My name is Chloe Fridd, I am 20 years old and have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.

At my age, we’re expected to know what we want. We’re expected to know the jobs we want to create the future that we want.

School — high school — sixth form — university — job.

That’s how it is supposed to go. You’re expected to choose a subject that you love in order to create your future based on that. Yes, university opens many doors for people but it is not for everyone and people fail to acknowledge that it is not always that easy.

I completed a year and a half of university before dropping out and now I feel stuck. I feel anxious and I have no idea what I want to do. I want a job in health and social care but that is a huge sector and I don’t know where to start.

As young people, we don’t have that life experience. As stated previously, we have always been in education since we were 4 years old. School. A structured way of getting through our childhood. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved school. I loved learning and I loved getting involved with school activities. Since I was 13 years old, the word “university” has always been floating around in my life. 13 YEARS OLD.

At 13 years old, I hadn’t had my first kiss. I hadn’t started my period. I could barely decide what I wanted for lunch. How the hell was I supposed to start deciding what I wanted in the future. Adulthood was a dream away.

Now its here, and I still dont know what I’m doing.

Being the eldest of my siblings, I feel so much pressure to succeed. To get a degree and a good job and all of that. I feel like I should be setting that example to my younger siblings, but *and I would like to drill this into people’s heads* ALTHOUGH UNIVERSITY MAY OPEN DOORS, IT IS BLOODY DIFFICULT AND IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

What people mention when they talk about university:

  1. Partying
  2. Friendships
  3. Alcohol.

What people fail to mention when they talk about university:

  1. Crippling debt.
  2. Mental health decline
  3. Exhausting.

I’m not saying “don’t go to university.” Trust me, these last couple of years have allowed me to meet the best people ever. Maybe I will go back to university in the future. Who knows?

For now, I want to gain that experience in “The real world”. I want a break. I want to experience life that isn’t based on the grades I get.

I am confident in my decision and despite struggling at the minute with my mental health, I believe it is the change that I needed to make.

So, if you are not sure what you are wanting to do with your life (at any age) THAT’S OKAY..

Take some time out, live a little. You have your whole life to do what you want to do.

At 20 years old, you have no real life experience. How are you supposed to know what you really want to do for the rest of your life?

There is no rush. So don’t rush.

Speak soon,

Chloe x


4 Comments Add yours

  1. pottstato says:

    I’m 27 and JUST got my life KIND OF together. I am married with a house and my dream job, but I had no clue how to get there or what to do for years. I stumbled upon this happiness through arbitrary hard work. I don’t think anyone has it together at 20. I was the dumbest kid alive at that point in my life, still making mistakes that needed to be made. I feel like I still have a long way to go even though it feels like I’ve come so far. Sometimes I wonder, do we every really know? Or do we just get better at pretending like we know what we are doing?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thoughtsofablogginglesbian says:

      I just sort of feel stuck in a rut at the minute, its nice knowing I dont need to have it all figured out right now.Thank you for this, makes me feel much better!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So relatable! I am also a 20 year old who doesn’t know what she’s doing. It’s so good to know I’m not alone in my cluelessness!
    Also the part about what people don’t mention about university was so true! I wish more people would talk about it.
    Amazing post! I’m so happy to have found this blog. Will stick around for sure! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thoughtsofablogginglesbian says:

      Awww thank you! I’m glad you could relate, it’s difficult! My sister’s are 13 and are choosing their GCSEs already with the pressure of “what do you want to do when you are older?”. I find it ridiculous. Thank you so much lovely, thanks for following!

      Liked by 1 person

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