Dating when you have any mental health condition can be an extremely difficult process and it’s something people fail to talk about when talking about mental health – Not that mental health gets spoken about nearly enough. Relationships can often come attached to a hell of a lot of anxiety in “normal” circumstances but poor mental health in one or both members of the relationship can just make things 10x more difficult.
I have always been fairly open about my mental health with my girlfriend, which is something I believe is key in any relationship. It has been the best, most important but also scariest thing to do in the situation. It has taken a bit of the pressure off of me because it means that she can understand if I am having a bad day or if I do not want to talk about what is on my mind. However, it hasn’t made it any easier in the sense that she tends to be on the receiving end of 99.9% of my bad moods. She is the one who deals with me when my mood changes like the flip of a coin.
Your partner is supposed to be the one person that you can rely on through thick and thin and for me, I can do that with her but I am still not saying that it makes things any easier on either of us. I hate to say that I take the majority of my bad moods out on her but that is the sad truth about it. She’s always there so she gets the brunt of it.
It’s difficult because I get so frustrated with myself for getting like this, but also with her for not always saying the right things. How can she? – I am rather high maintenance.
I think what is key when being in a relationship where you/your partner has some form of mental health condition – be that anxiety, depression, PTSD, BPD.. Whatever. – patience is of the utmost importance. There are going to be days where your partner does not want to talk to you all day and their replies are going to be extremely slack. There will be days where they willbe very blunt with you and you will be paranoid that you have done something wrong – Chances are that you haven’t done anything wrong so stop asking them constantly “Is it me? Have I done something? I’m sorry if I’ve upset you in anyway?” Trust me, you keep asking that and then they will be p*ssed at you. Give them your time and they will appreciate the effort. Find the balance between letting them come to you in their time of need and letting them know that you are there for them. It’s a difficult balance to find but I promise it’s worth it.
The final key point that I would like to make is effort. The simplest thing could cheer your partner up. A walk to the park. Date night at the cinema. A Chinese takeaway and a movie on the sofa – Yes, you have seen The Greatest Showman a billion times and watched them drool over Zac Efron and Zendaya WAY TOO MANY TIMES. Suck it up. Put the film on and cuddle them. The tiniest bit of effort on your partners bad days will make the world of difference to their moods. Just to show that you are there.
Relationships in any circumstance takes a lot of time, a lot of tears and a lot of energy. If you love someone, make them happy. But also, make sure you’re happy. Talk about your bad days with your partner. Tell them if something is bothering you. Whether its mental health related or not, talk to them.
All my love,